Endless steak dinner
Demolished by shirtless men
Must sleep off the meat
Sunday at 3 AM is a time for the devil. Those out have nowhere to go and pride themselves on such a fact. I had somewhere to go, but I was just taking my time. Days earlier, I was promised salvation by a Nigerian pastor from a radio in outer space and was yet to be saved. I was angry that I so blatantly lied to, so I and walked—stumbled downtown looking for the son of a bitch.
I was a salesman of sort by trade, and a wanderer by destiny. Each year of my life had been completely different than the last, and that was the way I intended to keep it. Most of my time was spent busking in the subway and stealing jackets from the dry-cleaners. I was firmly convinced my father was Lou Reed until my early teens when I decided I just, in fact, liked the Velvet Underground and my father was a coward from Long Island
I walked past a Checks Cashed store and $2 burger place and went inside to catch my breath. I’d been smoking for half my life and I felt it every day. Walking up the stairs, walking down the stairs, sitting on the stairs—forget about it, I couldn’t stop. I sat down at a booth, ordered the biggest thing on the menu, and lit up a cigarette. I stared down the grimy people inside; everyone had somewhere they didn’t want to be and this was the place to go to avoid it. The waitress came by with my burger, she looked tired.
“Take a minute,” I said.
“And do what?” she asked.
“Baby, I’m not trying to sell ya anything, you look tired.”
“I ain’t your baby.”
She walked away. She wasn’t my baby, anyway.
I think my target audience would be young, blind tweens who’ve never gotten the chance to see Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
“My aunt who is legally blind, bought me a VHS copy of Jurassic Park 3… In Spanish. So I couldn’t understand what they were saying the whole time. The entire time I was just watching William H. Macy with a deep Spanish voice running around, avoiding dinosaurios.”
Hahahaha you raise an interesting point. I think Dadshirts is the winner.
A tumblr where I write to many notable politicians, actors, and musicians telling them I’ve discovered compelling evidence which leads me to believe they’re my father. I then post the letters and the follow-up letters.
Don’t let the name fool you; I won’t actually be critiquing movies, but rather getting sloshed on Natty Ice and explaining the plots of different films extremely loudly. These films will probably be mostly from the 90’s.
It’s simple: I grab screen shots of my favorite scenes from Jurassic Park and replace the dinosaurs with pictures of pickles.
A tumblr in which I participate in extremely old Internet memes. Can someone say “Chocolate Rain”?! Seriously, guys.
For those of you who miss the old days when webcams were used for the sole purpose of monitoring food, this tumblr is for you. Basically, you watch hundreds of eggs get hard-boiled over the course of several months. You don’t see anyone eat the eggs, though.
Am I wrong to think it’d be hilarious if I interviewed with all my ex-girlfriends about currents events while throwing in the hard hitting questions like: “Do you still think I’m handsome?”
This one is more for science that anything else. Basically, I take a number of corrosive materials and see if it irritates my skin. I then post pictures of the results.
This tumblr is pretty genius because I have so much material at my disposal. What I do is take pictures of shirts that I think my dad would like and post them. My dad wears a lot of shirts.
Come on, this is a billion dollar URL. Low-maintenance websites who don’t know what they’re doing will see all my PowerPoint screenshots and believe I’m some sort of Internet deity. Then Google buys it and I die surrounded by $100 bills and fictional animals.
Cupcake i missed you so. -w4m- (By the bridge)
i want to smell you.
lay your head on me, and i’ll massage your shoulder.
i want to cook for you and make you feel real good.
I FUCKING MISS YOU SO MUCH CUPCAKE,
a gal can’t take it.
I know you’ll see this punkass, cause I know what’s on your wrist.